Office Spouses
by HikaruOngaku
Summary: Usagi and Mamoru share an apartment together and work for the same company. Flashbacks? Yes. Cliches? Most likely. While Usagi reflects on the good and bad times with Mamoru he's busy catching as much tail as possible.
1. The Bobby Pin Attack

**Like "When You Give a Bunny a Rose", I started writing this on a whim. If this sounds like any other kind of media I didn't steal or do it on purpose, this is completely original and from my own brain. I hope you enjoy : )**

**/**

"I said get out!" I bellowed. His latest floozy was already hauling ass into the elevator down the corridor.

"Usagi will you calm down?" even though his voice was so soothing and warm I could still hear the typical teasing undertones.

"No! I won't calm down! It's three in the morning and your fuck buddy has been screaming relentlessly for the past four goddamn hours!"

"I'm sorry I'm excellent in bed, this apartment has no need for jealousy," Yup. _There _it was. I had been waiting for his arrogant comments.

I ignored his narcissistic reply, "You do realize she just woke me up from my five minutes of sleep to ask if I had any underwear she could wear right?"

"Oh God, I didn't think she would really do it," he laughed rubbing his forehead.

"Get out Mamoru!"

"You're being unreasonable!" he pleaded.

"Yeah and you're being a whore!" and with that I lobbed a plastic grocery bag at him, (it contained everything he would need for work) and slammed the door.

That was Mamoru Chiba for you; he'd been like that since I'd met him in my freshman year. Oh, flashback? Yes please.

"_Today we're going to be working in pairs of two," Ms. Haruna was a complete nutcase and taught Creative Writing. I had transferred from a private school so I didn't know anyone in most of my classes. Of course, people immediately started locking eyes and pointing to each other, trying to figure out whom they wanted to work with. Ms. Haruna took notice and let out this maniacal laugh like some evil genius who had just cooked up their master plan, "But _**I **_will be choosing who you work with."_

_Groans of exasperation and grunts of protest echoed through the classroom. It didn't bother me any, if she was picking the partners I was guaranteed one partner. She sat down at her desk, and started pairing up students. It didn't take me very long to figure out her pattern; she took one student from the end of the alphabet and someone from the beginning of the alphabet. I was amazed by how many people hadn't caught on._

"_Mamoru Chiba and Usagi Tsukino," _Mamoru Chiba? _I thought. I mean, he was in my class so of course, I had that much information about him, but other than that, I didn't know who he was. I was usually writing in my notebooks during class so; I was never really paying to whom each name corresponded to. I scanned the room, all of the faces new, it being only the sixth day of school._

_Ms. Haruna explained what we were doing, asking our partner ten to fifteen questions. Easy stuff, that day was simply for planning the questions, and then Tuesday we would actually start asking them._

"_Are you Usagi?" I turned around to see he was just one seat behind me._

"_Yeah, so you're Mamoru?" I took in his features, quickly grabbing my favorite pink pen and notebook. He had messy raven hair that was so dark it almost looked sapphire; his eyes were a deep blue. The only thing I could think to compare him to was a statue I had seen in an art museum, the muse had strong features, a tall muscular build, a strong nose and jaw, like Mamoru. I also noticed he had his left ear pierced. I mentally rolled my eyes._

For some reason his ex-girlfriends always flocked to me as if I would be able to persuade him to want to date her again. As if, _I _wanted her to date him. Basically, I was the _one _girl he never dated. I was the friend, the confidant, the drunk dial, the roommate who had deal with late night "appointments". Sometimes I hated Ms. Haruna for pairing us up, it seemed like I always got into some kind of trouble when I was with him.

Like when I had been suspended from school for two weeks. There were these four sisters, Petz, Cooan, Beruche, and Karaberas. They had these insane crushes on Mamoru, but they were all beyond gorgeous, and they were trying to win _Mamoru's _affections. I just never really understood what everyone saw in Mamoru.

Another flashback?

Yes, they're my specialty.

_Mamoru and I were walking home together like we always did. We had just left his locker, gone down A Hall and out the front doors of the high school. I slipped my ID into my pocket just as I always did. Everything was peachy keen until a saw a fleck of dark violet in my peripheral vision. I turned my head just enough to see the four Ayakashi sisters staring at Mamoru and me a little too intently. It was unnerving. I immediately recognized Cooan; she was the same age as me and had a lot of the same classes as I did. We despised each other. Inside her pea-sized brain was this malicious woman with a mean streak. Whether she was simply intimidated by the fact I had just as much hair as she did, I hadn't the slightest clue. But either way we just didn't mesh well. _

_The slight breeze was lifting her violet hair with ease, it was floating straight up and flowing freely. Her bright purple eyes met mine and they seemed to literally darken as I turned back to reality._

"_Hey cheeky ladies," Mamoru nodded to the sisters before jumping past the stairs and down onto the sidewalk below. I just sighed and followed him, taking it one stair at a time. This is how it went, Cooan was a freshman, Beruche was a sophomore, Karaberas was a junior, and Petz was a senior. And let's not forget their wacky brother Rubeus who was in his second year of college. They were all a little off._

_Anyways, we kept going off on their merry way down the sidewalk, Mamoru grasped my right arm and pulled me in front of him to the other side. He had this weird thing about walking on the left side of the sidewalk, that way he was the one closest to the road. Just a few seconds later, I heard heels clicking an erratic staccato beat approaching from behind us._

"_Mamo-san!" he turned his head ever so slightly, her nasal voice immediately registered in my mind. Cooan was trailing after us, and Petz was close behind her. Probably to drag her away. _

_I stopped walking and thought up the best excuse I could in the shortest amount of time, it flew out of my mouth, "I er, left my History book in my locker, I'll be right back Mamoru," he cocked a questioning eyebrow at my sudden escape method. I ran away, yes, ran away, back into the school, the other two sisters eyeing me carefully. _

_By the time I had come back out Mamoru was sitting on the steps waiting for me, as I bounded past him I ruffled his hair, something that always irked him. I never quite understood why, seeing that it usually just bounced back to its original place._

"_Come on Casanova!" and then my head jerked backward, my back arching and my fists clenching in the worst way. I spun around to see Cooan clenching one of my long pigtails not so daintily in her hands. What did she think would happen? My hair would fall out as if they were extensions? Uh, no, all the bobby pins in my odango shot out, one hitting her square in the forehead. A smirk that had previously taken spotlight on her catlike face fell and was replaced by an unbecoming grimace._

_I squatted to the ground and began trying to pick up all the bobby pins I could see on the sidewalk, Mamoru's hands came into my view as he started helping me. A small, miniscule, unimportant gasp escaped my mouth, but Mamoru socked me in the arm as if I had just screamed bloody murder._

_I slipped the plethora of bobby pins into the back pocket of my jeans and stood back up. _

"_Is there something you need Cooan?" I asked calmly, I knew that always drove her nuts._

"_Why do you follow after Mamo-san?"_

"_I don't follow after _anyone_," Mamoru tugged gently on the back of my hot pink hoodie._

"_Oh really?"_

"_Yes. _Really_."_

"_You know he's never going to want someone like you."_

"_And who is that someone?" I scratched the back of my head, wrinkling my nose._

"_Some little girl with stupid hair, scrawny legs, tiny boobs," Mamoru let out an "ahg", and I just sighed._

"_So you're a better match because you have a bigger bust size than me?"_

_She didn't say anything; I took a step, our bodies now nearly touching. I put a very firm and bitchy index finger on her shoulder._

"_I would just like to give you a few words of wisdom, if you ever approach me like that again, or say something to me like that again, it's gonna be a bit worse than just a bobby pin to the forehead."_

"_You wouldn't lay a finger on me," the smirk had returned, but her eyes still looked uncertain. She was actually afraid of me. _

"_Oh, but I would, and I am," I glanced down at my unmoved finger. I was surprised Mamoru hadn't intervened; he usually kept my temper under wraps. _

"_If I were to come at you again tomorrow you wouldn't do squat."_

Well. She came at me.

Actually, she was passing by me in the bus lot while I waited for Mamoru and said quite maturely, "Slut."

So, I punched her in the face. There was a nice bit of fisticuffs, well, she tried the hair-pulling and scratching technique and I went for a more useful method. Fists.

And that my dear friends, is the first time Mamoru and his chicks ever got me in deep shit.

**/**

I snapped out of my trance and grunted as I shuffled to the bathroom. There was a soft knock at the door as I had just started to brush my blonde hair. I rolled my eyes, a slight smile spreading across my mouth.

I pressed my face against the door and stared through the peephole.

"Who is it?" Mamoru stood in the hallway, the plastic bag slung over his shoulder. Other than that, he was clad in only his green basketball shorts.

"I'm here to sell Girl Scout cookies ma'am," he chimed in his falsetto.

"Not interested."

"Usagi, how about an apology?"

"I'm not buying," he laughed, I glanced into the peephole again and he had that stupid crooked grin on his face.

**/**

**Well I know it was short, but I think I got some good material in there…Yes, I am planning on using flashbacks to my advantage…**

**Eh. Hey! Reviews would totes make me squeal :)**

**-Lindsey**


	2. The Three Who?

**I really to get back to my school work and get my grades up, sorry if it takes a little longer to update my stories :/**

**/**

**/**

"I can't believe you really kicked me out," Mamoru snickered as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

"I can't you thought I'd just sit back and let you do that. Again," I replied, grimacing as he waved the black coffee under my nose, "Ugh, I don't know how you drink that stuff Mamoru," I got up from the kitchen table and wandered into the bathroom to put my damp hair into odangos as I always did.

"Coffee is energy for the soul."

"Coffee is an addiction."

"Love is an addiction," he replied.

"No, _sex_ is an addiction stupid," he scoffed at my response waving his hand.

"Sex is _not _an addiction, it's a game, like hide and seek."

"Did you really just compare sex to hide and seek?"

"When's the last time _you've _been attended to?" he asked, flipping through my RollingStone magazine.

"Like I would tell you," I twisted my hair, searching through the drawers for my bobby pins.

"I can set you up with someone."

"Aha," I laughed, "Nah, I'm good."

In the reflection of the mirror I could see him watching me rifle through the bathroom.

"What'd you lose this time?"

"I haven't _lost _anything, I just can't find my bobby pins anywhere," I sighed, crossing the living room, trekking down the short hallway and into my bedroom.

"How do you lose bobby pins? You have _thousands _of them, I find at least five everyday."

"Yeah well thanks, but I need more than five," I called from my bedroom. I finally found of baggy of them in an old backpack of mine I hadn't used since college.

After getting my odangos to stay spherical and not flop to one side or the other, I entered the kitchen again searching for something quick to eat for breakfast.

"Are you ever not eating?" he inquired sarcastically as I cracked two eggs into the frying pan.

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day," I grabbed a wooden spoon from the dish strainer.

"Yeah, well according to you so is lunch and dinner," I flipped him the bird as I continued to stir precise circles, "Why don't you just eat whatever they have in the break room at lunch?" he stood kiddy-corner to me as he rinsed out his mug in the sink.

"Because usually Minako tries to bring in things she's made herself," we both shuddered at the thought of Mina-chan's home cooking, she was even worse than I was.

"Will you make me something?" I turned to see him playing with the soap bubble in his red mug.

"Are you kidding?" I put my attention back to my eggs, making sure I ran the spoon around the edge of the pan.

"Yeah. I'm hungry, and you're already cooking so it makes sense."

"It doesn't make _any_ damn sense, you rarely cook for me," I glanced over him and he was giving me his best puppy-eyed look, which was a horrible, _horrible _failed attempt, "Okay, fine, what do you want? Just please stop making that stupid face!"

"Toast and grape jelly."

"You _seriously _just said that?" I shook my head in disbelief.

"Yes, I'm completely serious Dumpling Head," Dumpling Head, Odango Atama, Meatball Brains. Mamoru had made my hair the center of his daily comic relief long, long ago. He had been calling me dumping head for so long, as I stood in the kitchen contemplating whether to smack him with the spoon; I realized it didn't even bother me anymore. And that bothered me the most.

"Fine, but make yourself useful and get down everything I'll need."

The eggs finally started to congeal together and I smiled to myself as they did. I was always excited when I made something edible and managed to not burn down the apartment. Sometimes I wondered if Mamoru made me make him food just so I would get better at cooking. Seeing how he was practically a master chef it made sense, because he was orphaned at such a young age he rarely had anyone to cook for him.

"Will you finish these for me?" I pointed to the frying pan with the wooden spoon as he leaned over my shoulder, watching me revert to skirting the little yellow blobs around the pan.

"Nuh-uh."

"Why Mamoru?" I moaned.

"You're doing so well!"

I growled at him, or made that guttural "urrrrrrgarurhhhh" sound if you want to be specific.

I set my plate onto the table after I pushed my scrambled eggs onto it. I eyed my breakfast longingly as I popped two slices of white bread (the whole-wheat kind) into the toaster. I stood on the balls of my feet and reached for the sugar dispenser that was in the top cupboard. His body pressed against mine as he easily grabbed the glass container.

"I don't know why you insist upon putting it up there where I can't reach it," I snatched it from his hand and poured the sugar beside my eggs.

"I don't know why you eat your scrambled eggs with sugar."

"To each their own Mamoru," I took a bite, "To each their own."

I finished making him his stupid toast and set it gingerly in front of him, "Looks excellent," he licked his lips dramatically and I just rolled my eyes as I flopped into the chair across from him.

"It's difficult to mess up toast and jam," I opened my magazine and read through some of the articles while I quickly finished eating.

As Mamoru and I were leaving for work I made sure, I had my artillery of breath refreshers in my purse.

"Man you have OCD Dumpling Head," he held the front door of the apartment complex open and I stuck my tongue out as I passed.

"I just like to be prepared in case of an emergency."

"What kind of emergency would require you to have minty clean breath?" I raised one eyebrow as we waited as the bus stop.

"That kind of emergency? Odango I doubt you're gonna be having a Nooner anytime soon, you're too virtuous."

"Screw off Mamoru, just because you fuck everything in sight doesn't mean I would do the same."

"We'll see."

"_No. _We won't actually stupid face," he pulled out his pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket and as I grimaced, I moved to the other side of the bus stop.

"Are you ever gonna quit doing that? You make me feel like a leper."

"You _should _it's a disgusting addiction, that sexy husky voice you have won't be like that forever you know," he waved the cancer stick in my direction before lighting it.

"You think my voice is sexy?" he wiggled his eyebrows, and I turned my back to him.

"No, actually, when I have to listen to the girls at work I over hear them rambling about '_all of your winning qualities'_, and might I say, none of them make any damn sense," I turned my head to the side so I could see him exhaling and blowing the smoke in my direction.

"Winning qualities huh?"

"You do realize that smoking isn't cool anymore right? You just look like a tool. I mean, look at yourself, all dressed up in semi-casual work clothes and sucking down carcinogens."

"Alright damn Usagi! I'll try to quit smoking okay?"

"Thank you, I appreciate it, their too expensive anyways."

The bus finally pulled up and Mamoru paid for both of us which was surprising to say the least.

"Oh thanks Mamoru, I'll pay you back later."

"Don't worry about it; consider it an apology for last night."

"_AND _this morning."

"And this morning," he repeated as we filed to a bench.

"You really don't have to apologize; we both know you're not really sorry."

"You know me too well Dumpling Head."

"Oh shut up butt face."

The morning commute was even more tenuous than usual, there weren't any seats left and Mamoru insisted that he needed the seat because he had pulled a muscle on his evening jog the night before. So, I was stuck clinging to the pole for dear life and hoping the driver made smoother turns than he had the day before.

Before I knew it, I was in Mamoru's lap, "You're so assertive this morning, I told you we needed to actually get on work on time today! Maybe we can at lunch!" why was he always so damn loud? It was unnecessary.

I shot back up and wrapped both my arms around the pole, I looked around the bus and envied the other people who could lightly grasp the metal pole and barely even move when our psycho road rage driver would swerve around a corner.

**/**

**/**

"Usa-chan!" just when Mamoru and I had left the elevator, Ami nearly knocked me off my feet.

"Why all the extra excitement?" I asked, watching Mamoru scurry away to his private office.

"Guess who Rei is going to interview tonight?" her blue eyes were practically glowing with excitement, I took notice of the office and I realized the entire floor was buzzing.

"Who? That Bieber kid?"

"No stupid! C'mon, let's go see the girls," _it's too damn early for all this! _I thought angrily in my head. We made our way to the back corner where our offices were. How did _we _of all people get private offices instead of boring grey cubicles? Well, _I _was a Jack-Of-All-Trades, ask me and you shall receive; I was Rei's personal attendant many a stressful days. Mainly because no one else could handle the wrath of Rei Hino. Ami was the Brain behind a lot of the company's escapades, even if they didn't want to admit it. She had other little brains running around the floor, but she was the Big Brain. So, she got her own office. Then, there was Rei; she was the Host of T-TV's late night talk show, The Fire with Rei Hino. Yeah, I think the title sucks too, but until she gets _super _famous, she's not getting a new name. Minako always went through the many, _many _questions from fans asking for advice from Rei, and Minako usually supplied the answers.

So, off into Rei's office we scuttled, locking the door behind us, so we weren't interrupted by a new job we had to do.

"Okay, who is it?" I asked as I watched Rei rummage through papers and CDs before literally falling into her office chair. You know the one with the wheels. It slid feebly across the dark red shag carpet before slowly grinding to a stop. Her dark hickory brown hair was thrown into a messy bun on top of her head and her face was clear of makeup, it was an important interview. She never bummed around unless she was really focusing on her work.

"What does she mean who is it?" Rei asked, bewildered by my question.

"Damn guys! Just tell me! Their obviously like, _really _important!"

"The Three Lights!" they chorused in unison, squeaking excitedly.

"The _three lights_? I've never heard of them, sorry to burst your bubble," the look in their eyes expressed pure horror, like I was a monster who wanted to slurp up their innards. I was _slightly _offended.

"Seriously Usagi?" Minako chided.

"What?"

"You're such a lame ass," Rei shook her head in pity.

"Screw you! I don't have time to listen to these Indie New Wave rock bands, jeesh!"

"They've actually been at the top of the charts all this month Usa-chan," Ami pointed out.

"Alright, alright, I'll check them out, is there anything I need to do?" I waved my hands in defeat, I was biting back the seeping temptation to bolt of her office and hide in my office. Albeit I was sure, Mamoru would be pestering me as he always did.

"I need my coffee, my dry cleaning, and I need you to read over my script," Rei ordered, her voice as imperative as ever.

"Go to the Border's at the corner and buy the first three "_Three Lights" _Cd you can find. Then, get four of the tabloid magazines," Ami's tone was even more authoritative than Rei's, which was new for all of us. She had always been the cool, calm, collected one. But The Three Lights really had her panties in a bunch.

"And chocolate?" Minako suggested.

"_**AND CHOCOLATE!**_" Rei and Ami yelled before shoving me out the door. I rubbed the nape of my neck as I always did when I knew the day was going to be a long day. I popped into my office and grabbed my pink emergency wallet from the closet. The wallet was for days just like this, big interviews, big celebrities, and a lot of errands.

Mamoru poked his head out of his office, peering at me with mild interest, "Where to Super Bunny?" Super Bunny, he called me that whenever I was going out to do errands.

"Rei has some big interview tonight with The Three Lights – whoever they are – and I have to go fetch some stuff for her and Ami."

"Oh yeah, Yaten, Seiya, and Taiki are coming to the studio tonight," that was the problem with our show, it was live and recorded four hours before it aired on television. STRESSFUL.

"Yaten, Seiya, and Taiki, got it," I made it a goal to remember their names.

"No, you refer to them as Kou-san, get it Dumpling Head?"

"Kou-san?"

"Yeah."

"All three of them are _Kou-san_?"

"Yes Dumpling Head, why is that concept so hard to grasp?"

"Never mind Satan Incarnate, gotta run. Do _you _want anything while I'm out?" seeing how he broken about three of whatever commandments there were, I liked to refer to him as the devil.

"Condoms, some of that KY stuff, the "His and Hers" ones," he rambled off.

"Whatever, fine, I'll be back in an hour."

**/**

**/**

I flattened my black pleated skirt and unbuttoned a stubborn button on my sailor style red blouse. It was too hot to be running all over God's green earth. It was a damn shame. I pulled out my phone from my purse to check the time. I had about four hours to fetch everything and then scurry back to the office.

After getting four coffees, one clean dress, four books, three CDs, chocolate, and the… necessities for Mamoru I was trotting to Borders. Oh, how I wanted to hail a taxi, but Ami forbid it; she claimed it was a waste of money, dirty, and just flat out wrong. But she would never refuse a ride in a limo. _She _wasn't the one hauling ass through Juuban.

So down the sidewalk I went, trying to keep everything balanced. The brown cardboard coffee tray clutched in my two hands, the drugstore bag slung over my shoulder with my purse, although they kept sliding down to my wrist, slowly cutting off the circulation. Rei's dress was hanging lazily across my left arm.

"_Hey, hold this for sec, 'kay?" Mamoru tossed me his green rucksack and slid his aviator shades up the bridge of my nose and onto my face. As usual, I was walking home with Mamoru, but today his best friend Motoki had joined us. I mumbled a quick 'yeah' before quickly walking ahead of them so I clear from the flying snow that getting ready to soar. Mamoru grabbed two fistfuls of snow and packed them into a perfectly round snowball. _

_I laughed as they rolled around in the snow, and as they took turns shoving snow down each other's shirts. I glanced over to the small frozen pond that was at the other side of the frozen pond admiring the footprints Mamoru and Motoki had left the day before. Before I knew it, my backpack was off my shoulders and Mamoru's rucksack was dropped to the ground._

_Mamoru wrapped his arms just below my butt and hefted me over his shoulder, "_MAMORU PUT ME DOWN_!" I hollered, kicking my legs as hard as I could. I couldn't see Motoki, but from a distance I heard him._

"Hey it's still frozen!"_ Apparently, he was already getting ready to venture out onto the thin ice._

"_If you don't stop kicking I might drop you Dumpling Head," I started pounding my fists into his back._

"_You'll probably drop me anyways!" just as I said that his foot lost its place in the slick snow and started to slip. I screamed pathetically, trying to find something to grab onto, I clutched my arms around his torso._

"_That doesn't count," he chuckled._

"_Mamoru."_

"_Yes my sweet Dumpling Head?"_

"_Get your hand off my ass."_

Then I fell, my body colliding with a wall. Normally I would have been able to catch myself, but today was different. Today I had my hands full. I had been turning to go into Borders when it hit me.

"Hey! Watch where your goin'!" a male voice chided. I sat up, horrified to see three coffees no longer in their cups, but splayed across my skirt and blouse.

"You're the one who ran into _me_!" I exclaimed, quickly examining the dress to make sure it was still spick and span.

"Huh?"

"Who do you think you are!" he offered me a hand and I shoved it away, clumsily stumbling to my feet.

"You don't know who I am?" I took in his features with a sharp eye, evaluating every aspect of his appearance. He reminded me of Mamoru, but with softer features, more feminine and delicate. His eyes were a lighter blue too; did I mention he had a surprisingly long ponytail? Yeah.

"No?"

"Wow, that's new. And usually, girls are happy to run into me," he looked genuinely confused.

"Yeah, well, I've gotta go Mr. Popular," I gave a _look_. You know, the squinty eyed looked.

I ran into the store quickly making my purchases, I was surprised to see Mr. Popular still outside lounging on the bench.

I looked at the cover of the CD nearly falling over when I realized what I had done, let alone, realizing still had coffee all over me.

"K-Kou-san?" he turned to look at me and smirked.

"'Sup?"

"I am _so _sorry!" I bowed my head in shame.

"Why?"

"B-because you're _SEIYA KOU _the guy Rei is interviewing tonight, and I just ran into you and was rude to you, I blew you off, and didn't call you Kou-san like Mamoru told me to," I babbled on until he put a finger against my lips, arching a thin black eyebrow.

**/**

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**I know it was short, but hopefully I'll be updating soon! **

**Not to sell myself out or anything, but if you check out my tumblr please tell me! Send me a PM on here or whatever; I just want to know if anyone is reading it… If not. That sucks.**

**If you have any suggestions for possible upcoming scenes, conflicts, **_**anything**_**. I love reviews 3**

**^ They really do help a lot! Feel free to tear me apart, it's okay, I won't be offended :P**

**Much Love!**

**-Lindsey**


	3. The Woes of a Personal Assistant

**Let's get on with the good stuff shall we?**

**As usual, I'm sorry for the looooooooooooooooooooooooong wait. **

**I have ideas, but I've been so fucking busy it's not even funny.**

**/**

"_I can't believe I agreed to this," I shook my head in disbelief as we sat in the corner of the step-like seats in the dark room. It was stuffy and full of people from school, Mamoru sat to my left, leaving the dirty wall to my right. I inspected it with vague interest, trying to ignore Mamoru's snickering._

**Akito sucks dick.**

Well good for Akito_, I thought to myself. I took notice the room also smelled like cigarettes, pizza, and B.O. _

"_It'll be fun, Motoki and I come here all the time," he poked my shoulder with his index finger, as if he thought I had fallen asleep._

"_Don't you two think you're a little old for this?" Motoki turned around, nearly falling off the seat that was just below us._

"_This is like Neverland and we my dear Usagi are the Lost Boys," he smiled triumphantly, seeming to think he had outsmarted me._

"_More like a lost cause," I sighed, hoping it would be the fastest night of my life, "Did you two really find it necessary to bring backpacks?"_

"_If we're gonna be in here all night yes, energy drinks, snacks and stuff," Mamoru held up his favorite green rucksack._

"_Are there condoms in there too?" Motoki rarely heard me when I made sexual comments, so I wasn't at all surprised when his eyebrows quirked upward toward his hairline._

"_You know it, I tell you all the time, always be prepared," Mamoru's smile was wide and arrogant, sometimes I just wanted to knock that stupid look off of his face._

"Alright, we can stop now, I think we lost 'em," I stood panting, trying desperately to catch my breath; I planted my hands on top of my head, interlacing my fingers together. I glared at Seiya (_oh, excuse me, Kou-SAN) _wondering why he hadn't given me proper warning before hand, I wanted to tell him off, but my lack of air held my bitter words back.

"Good thing we got away Miss Tsukino! My brothers wouldn't have been very happy if there were more pictures of me with girls in the magazines!" he almost seemed to be gloating as he leaned coolly against the burgundy brick wall. I rolled my eyes as I continued my breathing exercises, "Hey, are you alright?" he asked, glancing at my heaving chest with a peculiar look on his face.

"Yeah! I'm just dandy!" _heavy breath_, "I run away from the paparazzi," _heavy breath_, "ALL the time!"

"Hey, I'm sorry alright? Just take a chill pill. Maybe if you exercised more you wouldn't be so out of breath!" he smirked when my mouth flopped open with shock in response to his brash insult.

"Oh well _excuse me! _I had thought I was just out to run errands, not play a game of Catch Me if You if You Can," I went to gather Rei's dress and Ami's bag from Borders only to find they weren't with me. And with that realization came some colorful language.

**/**

**/**

"Whoa, what happened Super Bunny?" Mamoru stood just outside the front doors, puffing on yet another cancer stick. I rolled my eyes, assuming he was taking notice of my comically disheveled outfit and pumps that were clutched in my right hand.

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Yeah you do."

"I think not Satan," I retorted tiredly, I didn't have very much energy left for a witty conversation with Mamoru.

"Alright, well I have something I wanna talk about," he smiled in that guilty way he did.

I narrowed my eyes, "Um, Mamoru, you didn't knock someone up did you?"

"No!" he exclaimed, his cigarette nearly falling out from between his lips.

"Then what is so important that you had to take an unneeded break and fill your body with even more carcinogens?" he looked almost angry, but I wasn't in the mood to feel bad for saying what was true. Then I felt myself smirk, "By the way, didn't you say you were gonna quit?"

"First of all, Mr. Ohishi wants to talk to you, he told me to send you in. That's why I was _sent _out here to wait for you and your slow ass. Second of all, I've had to deal with all those girly ass ninnies in there creaming their jeans about The Three Stooges. I'm _relieving my stress_," he waved his cigarette dangerously near my face, and as I gasped to stumbled backwards as I inhaled the very thing I loathed, (even more than Mamoru) the smoke.

"Blech! You asshole!" I coughed over my shoulder, "If I die you'll have to pay all the rent," I stomped my foot in mock anger, "And if you ever wave one of your coffin nails in my face again I'm gonna throw all your cartons away!" he yawned, just trying to rile me.

"Fine, I'll do my best? All right?" I narrowed my eyes, "Now hurry up before Mr. Ohishi's blood pressure gets any higher."

"_I'm not taking this off!" I hugged my arms around myself while at the same time trying to swat away Mamoru's grabby hands._

"_C'mon Meatballs, you're gonna get hot!" Mamoru tried to get a hand on the bottom of my hoodie, I smacked him upside the head._

"_I'll be indecent Satan! And you_ always _have dubious intentions!"_

"_What do you mean indecent?" he looked perplexed so I pulled the hoodie over my head myself and chucked it into his chest._

_And speaking of chest, mine was now practically bared to all human kind seeing how I was wearing was a low cut hot pink cami with lace trims at the bottom and top._

"_Oh," he winked, "Did they come with matching knickers?" he licked his lips dramatically._

"_You'd wanna know!" I stuck my tongue out at him and thwapped him on the head again._

"_Would you quit doing that Meatball Brains!" he rubbed the spot._

"_As soon as you quit calling me Meatball Brains, Odango Atama, and anything else that pertains to my hair!"_

"_Fine tiny tits!" _

"_I absolutely, one hundred percent, no questions about it, hate you Mamoru Chiba!" I pulled one of the vests of the rack and held it in front of me, surprised by how heavy it was. _

"_Do you two ever quit bickering?" Motoki interjected as he clipped the sides of his vest together, "You guys are just like an old married couple."_

"_Are not!" we both bellowed in unison._

I was in a bit of a fog as Mamoru and I rode the elevator up to the eleventh floor, why did Mr. Ohishi need to see me?

I could only think of one reasonable answer, he was going to fire me. I suddenly began feeling very nauseated.

"Hey, Usa, are you all right?" he touched me gently on the forearm.

"No, I'm not," I answered slowly, trying to decide if I was coming down with vertigo or if I was just plain dizzy.

"I'm sure it's nothing bad Odango, you're one of his best employees, he has no reason to get rid of you," now he was holding my wrist in a strangely comforting way. I was almost more freaked out by Mamoru's display of affection/comfort/whatever-the-hell-his-angle-was than Mr. Ohishi's sudden need to see me.

"Well thanks for the nice pep-talk Satan," I recovered from my sudden lack of thought, going for my usual out, a sarcastic insult in compliment's clothing. I glanced up at the display of what floor we were on, nine if you were wondering.

"You know, someday you'll appreciate my prophetic insight," his hand disappeared and I released a mental sigh of relief, the last thing I wanted was Mamoru getting all touchy-feely, I wasn't in the mood to dust off my martial arts skills.

"I doubt it," I gently patted my odangos, making sure they were still properly spherical, which surprisingly they were. I rebuttoned my blouse and straightened my skirt as I slipped into my pumps.

"_And_," he continued, "Someday you'll quit calling me Satan."

"That'll be the day you stop making fun of my hair, eh?" I handed him the things I had picked up for the girls and he agreed to deliver them.

_DingDing. _I drew in a sharp breath of what confidence and faith I could muster. Mamoru's gave me thumbs up and I was on my way down the hallway and to Mr. Ohishi's office.I passed all the other Executive offices, wondering if any of them had as high blood pressure as Mr. Ohishi. I knew that Mr. Fukuda was probably about to have an aneurism. His personal secretary was about to publish a tell-all book about working closely with the one and only Mr. Fukuda. It wasn't much of a surprise that MRS. Fukuda was a bit bent out of shape by the _"Ode to an Office Chair"._

I found myself standing in front of Mr. Ohishi's door long before I had actually wanted to. I contemplated walking back down the hallway again, but at that moment his blinds snapped up and his door swung open.

"Good afternoon Miss Tsukino," he gestured in, a surprisingly calm smile on his face.

"Sir," I acknowledged his polite salutation as I passed by him. I took my seat in the infamous chair that sat in front of his desk. Many an employee returned to pack their belongings into a pitiful cardboard box after having sat in that damn chair.

"Before I begin, just let me assure you that I put a lot of thought into this decision."

"If you're letting me go just put it in as simple terms as possible please," I said gruffly as he walked by me on his way to his leather office chair.

"Let you go?" he repeated, his tone incredulous, "Why on Earth would I be letting you go?" he shook his head as though I was some young kid who had just told him there was a fuzzy purple monster in my closet.

"I-I'm not being fired?" I felt about as shocked said adolescent would have.

"No," he drew the word out, "No, no, no, no," he repeated himself as if he was about to ask something of me that I was going to find _very _inconvenient.

"Mr. Ohishi, I don't want to be rude, but, we both know I'm very busy running errands for Rei today," I took a deep breath, "So, what is it you need me to do?"

"All right Tsukino, I respect that, what I need you to do is look after Chiba for a while," he steepled his fingers together and rested his chin on the tips.

"_Watch _Mamoru? Sir, I _live _with Mamoru, I don't know how much closer of an eye I can keep on him." Things were starting to take a turn for the strange.

"Yes, well, I would like for you to become his Personal Assistant," he'd finally come out with it.

"What?" I slammed back into my seat, bewildered by his request, "There's _NO WAY_ I can be Mamoru's Personal Assistant."

"I understand Miss Tsukino, but lately he's been running through interns at an unbelievable pace and soon I won't be able to afford his extravagant gifts. I think you'll be able to get him back under wraps," Mr. Ohishi started rubbing his hands together; he was obviously pleased with himself.

"I really don't think I could do that, I would literally go insane," I already felt like I was going crazy. Mr. Ohishi appreciated my No-Bullshit policy with Mamoru. He respected the mutual animosity between Mamoru and me. I had always figured it was a weight off his shoulders to know I was one of the only female workers in the office that had no desire to screw around with Mamoru. But now he was actually using it against me.

"Well, there _is _a benefit to taking up the task, I'll increase your pay three-hundred dollars," this was the business side of Mr. Ohishi's personality.

"Three hundred dollars?" I asked not sure if I had heard him correctly. My brain was already running through all the possibilities I could use those three hundred dollars for. Less stress when the time to pay rent rolled around for sure.

"If that's what it will take, yes, I need someone to get Mamoru back on track."

"Uh, all right, I'll do it, but let me say, this probably isn't going to end well," I stood up, straightening the collar of my blouse.

"Thank you Miss Tsukino, I'm sure you'll get things ironed out." He outstretched his hand, and took it in mine. The deal was sealed. (For a lack of better words.)

Back out the doors I went, a new feeling brewing. Anger. I was fuming. Some of it was directed at Mr. Ohishi, but almost all of it was poised toward Mamoru.

As usual, his Olympic level fucking relay had once again affected me. Other than his handsome appearance I had yet to see what had girls dry humping everything at the sight of him. Sure, a lot of his past flings had told me he had this way with words, but believe me, I've never experienced this level of intimacy with Mamoru. _I just don't understand what it is all these girls see in him. _I thought to myself as I rode the elevator back down to the seventh floor.

I'd also heard he was _great _in bed, and I _knew _he was well aware of that fact. It was a talking point of our daily conversations. Much to my displeasure. Although, I'd guessed that those three traits made up for the fact he was a dill hole.

**/**

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**Whelp, this space should be used for my apologetic plea that you don't burn me at the stake for being such a horrible neglectful author. But, rest assured, I've been vigorously scribbling away (in cursive mind you) in various notebooks. **

**Although I don't deserve them, reviews would be so delightfully pleasing :] **


	4. Discontinued

Hello all, as you've noticed my activity on here has been less than desirable.

With writing, I believe that you can't force it; if the inspiration or whatever it was that was driving you to keep writing disappears then you shouldn't force yourself to continue writing that particular thing. Stop and then come back to it if you feel the inspiration coming back.

I'm trying to break it to all of you easy, the stories have been discontinued for the time being. Whether or not I come back to it is yet to be decided, but all the inspiration has disappeared, and I'm so very sorry.

Honestly, the story is very poorly written, there are infinite structural and grammatical issues that I have to iron out. I want to rewrite the entire thing; there are some things that need to be changed, especially the various plot holes and lack of characterization.

I am my harshest critic.

Anyway, I'm really, truly sorry that this is happening, I feel like I'm depriving you of something. I guess you can run off from my bosom and find other lovely UsaMamo fanfiction.

Yes.


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